Thantos deus-an-anthropora -- working title... 1.0

                       Thantos Non-Corporundum

Cast of Characters:

God        A young woman in a wheel chair)

The Devil  A tall, thin man, well dressed man
           (coat and tails, although the
           suit is some what worn)

Joe        Class Eight Demon/Angel

Sally      Class 7.993 Demon/Angel

Jason Nesmith  A scraggly bum person,

Fake Jason     An evil pretender
               (a dead ringer for Jason
               but well dressed)

Linda Hamilton  Young aspiring actress,
                the friend of Jason

Mrs. Dodge      The Director of the Play Hamlet
                (may be played by a Mr. as well)

Policeman/woman  Efficient somewhat cocky.

Father, Mother, and obnoxious Moppet
        (small girl) -- visitors to the park.

Mayor Talbridge

Props:   Pic-nic table, well constructed,
         very stable (later, Linda will
         stand atop it to deliver a
         speech from Hamlet)

         Fan (for creating wind)
         Large amounts of paper to be
               blown onto stage
         Stick-pole with nail in bottom
              (for use in picking up trash)

         Trash can, two canvas litter bags,
         Scull for Scene for Hamlet,
               pedistal for same.

         Stand-alone wash-basin (lavatory)

Set Directions:

    Sally   Joe    (In most cases Sally, Joe, the Devil will
                   sit on THIS side of the table)
( ) ---------------
                        (viewed from the top)
    Dodge   Linda  (Other actors will sit on this side only)


        <----------------- wind blows in
                           this direction

players enter from the direction of the wind
(the wind at their backs) and exit to the left .
During the production of Hamlet, some players may enter
from the LEFT -- through out the remainder of he play
all players enter from the RIGHT and exit on the LEFT.

PLEASE NOTE:  Due to a slight problem with the author's
              sense of RIGHT AND LEFT, the stage terms
              stage-left and stage-right should be
              reversed; unless the prevailing political
              party is that of Mr. Le Penn, in which
              case it won't make much differerence,
              since this work (as well as its author)
              will probably be sent via train to 
              holding area and hence "up the chimney".

(we appologize for any in-convenience that this may cause)

Scene 1: A pic-nic table, near by a trash can, filled to over-flowing with FAST FOOD WRAPERS, etc. At the bench are seated FATHER, MOTHER, and OBNOXIOUS MOPPET (small girl). MOPPET (in whining voice): You did it again, I told you I wanted a FIVE-PIECE chicken nuggets not SIX !!! FATHER: Well, I just forgot. Can't you just eat five of the pieces and we'll throw the rest out. MOTHER (to FATHER): There you go again, always trying to suppress her -- you always have to have your way. FATHER: I wasn't trying to supress her, all I was trying to do was... MOTHER: Opress her, opress me. Next you'll be trying to opress the poor dog. (wind picks up slightly, blowing wrappers from off stage past them -- right to left). The MOTHER AND FATHER reflexively hold down their wrappers. Wind, subsides after 30 seconds or so... FATHER's and MOTHER's dialog is essentially: Look out, don't let that blow away, no, no. Look, out, grab that --- (knocking drink over: Pshhaw. Oh, there goes something else. -- during this, the moppet keeps saying and whining: MOPPET: Make the wind stop. It's blowing on my food. Make it stop. I don't like the wind. I don't want it blowing on me. Look, it's blowing on my food. Make it stop, it's blowing on MY food. (wind sub-sides) MOTHER: Whew, at least that's over. MOPPET: I want my five-piece chicken meal I told you I don't like six-piece chickens. FATHER: Well, can't you just... MOTHER: Don't start it again. Don't even say it... (wind comes up. May need a gimick here: The wrapper/container with the infamous 6-piece meal gets blown off the table. Moppet begins to bawl.) MOTHER: NOW see what you've done? Do you see? It's all your fault. You ruin it every time! FATHER (looking heavenward, sighs deeply): Why me? (he grabs up the remaining papers and drinks and starts to put them in the trash barrel, but of course it is already over-flowing) MOTHER: Oh just leave it. Just leave it. (Father takes the trash firmly in his hands and shoves it forcefully down into the waste basket) MOTHER: There you go again. You always get angry, and I just don't know what I can do... MOPPET: I have to go to the baff-room, I gotta go.... (they exit), wind picks up, and enters JOE has a canvas bag marked "CDS" on it in bright orange letters -- below, in black is stenciled PROPERTY OF CITY OF SPASHUL, (state) He has a paper-sticker-pole (nail in end) with him. He sits down on the bench, sets the bag down. Sits there looking out at the trash barrel. Scratches around his face and hair. JOE: Hmmm. So, here we all are again. Yep, nothing new here. Same old thing, over and over again. (Pulls out news paper that has been sitting under the trash barrel, reads out loud): Hmmm, murmle, murmle, murmle. District Court finds Mega Chem Corp guilty of dumping. Fines them twenty million dollars. (looks out toward audience) 20 mill why they make that in a single week. Let's see what else we have here (turns back to paper) Election. Candidates vow to run clean race. (looks up to audience) So it's a race now?) Captain and Mrs. Hornswaggle announce wedding of their daughter Esmarelda to Mr. Jason Nesmith, esquire. (looks up, seems to be peering at the back of the auditorium, slowly shakes head side to side, then nodds slowly and gets up, standing next to the table, holding the poking-stick -- seemingly lost in thought and then snaps his fingers. Immediately (off stage) we hear: SALLY: I wasn't sleeping, I'm here, I'm here. (she rushes onto stage, equipped with her on bag but does NOT have a poking-stick. she starts emptying the trash into her own bag and scrambling after any of the debris that spills over) I'm on it. Don't worry, I've got it covered. JOE: No, no, no forget about the trash. Here look at this. (hands her the paper) SALLY: Stripper to wed millionare octagenarian. Orville Brunes, father of the CEO of Mega Chem corp, Orville Brunes announced to day plans for his up-coming marriage to Lulu La Tour. Miss La Tour appears nightly at the... JOE: NO this. Right here. That one. That. (Sally reads and then starts laughing). JOE: It's no laughing matter. And you know it. SALLY: Yes, but can you imagine. I mean -- can you? JOE (pointing to the six-piece wrapper and nuggets): You missed something. (Sally picks up the nuggets. They both look around; everything looks clean now. Joe starts to walk off, Sally picks up the stick-poker and looks at it.) JOE: Give me that. What do you think you are? A grade eight? Only a grade eight demon gets a stick-poker! Come on... SALLY (handing it back to him): Demon? I thought we were angels today? JOE: Demon, angel -- what's the difference? You know the chant... (together): JOE & SALLY: Angels create, demons maintain and the form destroyer recycles all that remains. JOE: God, I hate this job. (thunder, some-what loudly in the distance). SALLY: (Shaking her finger at Joe) And of course, SHE whose name may not be spoken. (Joe bows his head towards Sally, she passes her hand over his head in a small circle). JOE: Come on, we have work to do. SALLY: Right-e-o! (they exit) The wind starts up again, blowing more trash onto the stage. A thin, young bum comes out and sits on the picnic table -- this is Jason More papers blow in, and he grabs one as it blows by, reading silently to himself. He then jumps up (angily) -- holding the paper in front of him. JASON: I can't believe it! I just can't believe it. First he steals my name, and now he's doing this! (storms off stage). Wind picks up again, more trash blown onto the stage. A woman (GOD) in a wheel chair slowly wheels her self onto the stage. GOD: (rolling to a stop near the table). Sits for a moment, fingers interlaced slowly nodding, thinking for a few moments. The DEVIL walks onto stage (should be fairly thin, dressed in a some-what shabby coat-and-tails). DEVIL: So there you are. I've been looking for you. GOD (raising her head up, sighs): Yes, what is now? DEVIL: Its about this Mega Chem Corp thing. GOD: I told you what I want done. Just do it. DEVIL: But, we're talking ketones, and double bonded esters and an-hydrides, and... GOD: Just do it. DEVIL: As you wish. But, this is an ecological disaster in the making. I don't even know if my demons will do it. And I'm right in the middle of re-negotiating their contracts and.... GOD (turning the wheel chair around, and straing her self up out of the chair -- this is supposed to be god, so the actress never actually shouts; always expecting her orders to be followed). I don't care a jot for you and your labor problems. I want there to be NO action taken against MEGA CHEM CORP. Do you understand? DEVIL (bowing sincerely, slowly and with dignity): As you wish, Madam. (they exit, to the left) (Joe and Sally come back in -- apparently they were listening to them off stage) SALLY: Did you hear that? JOE: Yeah, I've never known the devil to go against the old lady like that before. SALLY: Sheesh, I'm just glad that it's none of our business. JOE: Yeah, all we have to do is make sure that the truth comes out. SALLY: What about this? At the last minute we switch the real Jason for the pretender so that Esmarelda marries the real one? JOE: No, it's too trite and contrived. Besides, then we'd have to explain how it was that Jason's (the real Jason) how Jason's fiance didn't realize that the other Jason was a phoney. SALLY: (ranting) Well, see she had amnesia, and when she woke up there was this guy had already convinced her that HE was the real Jason. And of course her parents had never met Jason and,... JOE: You see. You see. That's why I'm a Grade Eight, and you're not. Why you're just a... What grade are you? SALLY: Seven point nine nine three. JOE: Amnesia! (they sit on the bench, both thinking... Wind starts blowing more papers onto the stage) Enter: MRS. DODGE (theatre director) and LINDA HAMILTON (dressed entirely in black)... (as they enter, JOE and SALLY go around to the back side of the pic-nic bench and sit there -- backs to the audience, "whistling" trying to act innocent -- Sally sits on the LEFT near the trash can, Joe on the RIGHT). DODGE: No, Linda. I've told you it JUST isn't done. LINDA: But, Mrs. Dodge But, I know all of the lines, and I've got a friend: He can do all the lines of Ophelia. (they sit on the bench -- as the conversation between Dodge and Linda proceeds, Joe and Sally turn back towards the audience and begin to listen in -- Linda and Dodge ignore them) DODGE: It's not a matter of casting. It just isn't done. What would the members of the Ladies Auxillary say? To say nothing of the Mayor. I mean it's Shakespear for God's sakes! (slight thunder in the back ground). LINDA (standing and striking a dramatic pose): To be or not to be. that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep; No more; and by a sleep to say we end The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub; For in that sleep of death what dreams may come When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, Must give us pause: there's the respect That makes calamity of so long life; (Mrs Dodge is taken away by here performance, she sighs quietly, and raises her hand slightly and is about to speak, when from behind her, Sally jumps up and comes around the table (around the Trash can -- see diagram) and at this point, Linda stops and looks at her. SALLY: That was great!! Can you imagine it! LINDA: Who are you? SALLY: Er, uh, Just Sally. Just me. (Linda turns and looks at Joe -- who is in plain sight behind the table. Linda peers (moving her head side to side, as if trying to see behind some shrub or not). You come out of there. I can see you, come out. (Mrs. Dodge stands up) DODGE: How dare you two eavesdrop on a private conversation. What are you? Laborers or something? SALLY (to Linda): I'm sorry, but it was just so good. I mean you keep hearing and seeing the same old things centur..., uh year after year. I mean it would be so neat to do that. Don't you agree? JOE: Uh, yeah. Listen, we weren't, see we were just resting. Look, Sally, we got to go. You know, the work, all the work that we got tuh do... SALLY: But it was nice. Wasn't it? I mean fresh. Really fresh. Not like this False Dimitri business. JOE: Jason. It's Jason, we did Dimitri in Gudonov. Remember, darling??? SALLY (taking leave of herself): Yes, yes. Of course, Darling. When you're right. You're right. (to DODGE and LINDA) Sorry, didn't mean to intrude. But, it really was nice. Uh, got to go.... (as they leave, to Joe) Yeah, but it was nice. I mean for a change. I mean, at least it's better than what we have to do all of the time. Not so boring. I mean imagine: Hamlet played by a girl! (they pause near the edge of the stage) JOE: Oh, don't go on. SALLY: But, admit it. You liked it too. Didn't you? JOE: Well. Yeah, it would be nice to do something different. But, you know: Orders are orders. (he voice slowly fades) I mean we just can't take it upon our selves to just do what we want -- I mean we have a job to do. And SHE -- whose name may not be mentioned -- commands us... After all, we have no free will.... (voice fades about here) I mean if we had free will, what would the world comes to? It would be the end of everything..... (voice fades completely) (He continues to walk off stage and we hear him continuing to talk, Sally remains on stage, and slowly creeps back behind MRS DODGE and LINDA -- she again seats herself on the back of the bench -- they can not "see" her). (JOE will then proceed around the back curtain so that he can again re-appear from the right of the stage). (While Sally creeps around behind them, Dodge, sits, quietly slightly smothing out her dress, Linda stands up and then looking directly at back of the auditorium)... LINDA: Shouldn't we have some dialog at this point. (shout's slightly). Dialog? Yoo hoo, Wee neeeeed dialog here. (sits down) I don't think there's anybody out there. I mean, we're just supposed to sit here and do nothing. I mean those people paid good money to see this and so far, it's been pretty boring if you ask me. (begins smoothing out her tights and her black tu-tu) DODGE: You just have to be patient my dear. Now if this were film, we'd simply fade back in. LINDA: But, I mean what are we waiting for. And DON'T say Godot! (thunder slightly in back ground) DODGE: Well, isnt' it obvious my dear, we're waiting for the JOE character to go around the back curtain so that he can come out on stage right. LINDA: Well, that's bogus. Who wrote the set direction for this. (she again gets up and shouts this time towards the back of the auditorium) CAN WE GET SOME DIALOG UP HERE??? (by this time, MRS DODGE has taken out some knitting). DODGE: Now, just don't bother your pretty little mind about it. You just have to learn how to sit quietly. (at this point JOE re-enters and sneaks behind them -- they can not see him he sits down and then Linda gets up and ...) LINDA: Yes, but even if the glorified women of the Women's Auxillary or even the Mayor can't accept it -- you could bill it as experimental theatre. DODGE: Experimental theatre (laughs) here? In Spashul (state) -- surely you jest? (God again wheels her self in and says distinctly -- again not shouting) GOD: Look at this mess. What are you two doing, get to work! (thunder prominent when she/he gets done speaking). (Joe and Sally spring into action and start picking up papers like crazy). (FADE) ----------------- end of scene one -------------- SCENE TWO: Same scene. Same pic-nic table. Same trash barrel.... (Lights come up, the bum (Jason) is sleeping on the bench, behind him is seated the Devil who is stroking his beard/goatee, drumming his fingers on the table). (The manner of the devil is that of an old world diplomat, always very straight posture, alwasy enun-ci-ates each word clearly -- as if weighing each word.) DEVIL: Conundrums, problems, im-prob-a-biliies. Absurdity, honor, duty. And alas, per Jason. While others play at a play, Your life hangs in the balance. (sighs) Just another helpless pawn in a far greater game, Just a poor hap-less soul to do my bidding... If only there were some way, (snaps fingers) (Jason sits up with a start, Joe and Sally enter (almost in a march, they join the devil behind the table, but remain standing) JASON: Wow, what a nighmare. Can my life get any worse? (Jason sits up and then is somewhat over taken, and then lies back down on the bench. The Devil gets up and comes around and "views" Jason. DEVIL: Poor wretch. Poor, poor lamb of God. (thunder very noticble) (bows deeply towards the windward side of the stage) (wispers) Blooker. (wind blows quite a few papers onto the stage). (bows again deeply, returns to the back of the bench, and sits down facing away from the wind). (**** As the scene was originally written: Joe and Sally enter on stage at this point (as the wind dies down -- enter Joe and Sally, they join the Devil behind him on the back-side of the bench -- Sally tapping him on the back, he looks around at her, and gets up, dusts off where he has been sitting, and lets her sit down, graciously extending his hand to her. When he gets up, Joe (in deference to him) gets up and stands, the Devil chooses the middle of the bench and sits down. Joe sits on the very end of the bench. Each of them (head in hand, back to the audience) sits, shaking their heads. Suddenly, the devil jumps up whirls around and snaps his fingers *********************) (Joe and Sally sit down, The Devil looks them over and then nodds). He snaps his fingers and... Jason rolls off the bench. Joe jumps up and rushes around to help him.) JOE: Here, let me help you. Are you all right? JASON: Thanks, thanks. Yeah, I've just been going thru some hard times right now. No really, I'm fine. (Joe and Jason sit down, side, by side, neither really looking or listening to the other -- Jason sits next to the ever-present trash can, Joe sits on the windward side). JOE: Yeah, I know what you mean. But, let me tell you -- it's nothing personal. It's just that they've got us working on this big project. JASON: Yeah, if I could just get some work I'd be fine. JOE: And you know how it is: when you have a job to do, then you have to do it no matter what. Actually, I can set you up with some work.... (Father, Mother and Moppet come on stage)... FATHER: Well, if you had kept track of it then you wouldn't have lost it in the first place. MOPPET: Daddy's yelling at me again (sniffles). MOTHER: Don't you go trying to supress her. FATHER: I'm not trying to suppress her. I was just saying that if she had kept track of it... DEVIL: Would you people PLEASE get out of here! FATHER: Sir, I don't like your tone. And who are you to talk to me like that? I'll have you know I'm a very important person in this town. MOTHER: You have no right to talk to my husband like that. (Mopptet kicks the devil in the shin), saying: MOPPET: Take that you bad old man. (wind rises up, huge amounts of trash fly through, the wind blows the three of them off (Father, Mother, Moppet off stage). Behind the bench, Sally is standing -- hands out-stretched. She lowers her hands dramatically and the wind stops. The Devil, bows to her and returns to behind the bench. All of this time, Jason and Joe have continued their dialog) Joe: (sometimes you have to do a job even if you know it's wrong. I mean after all that's what honor and duty mean.) Jason: (need to work, if I could just get a job then maybe I could get my life back together) (finally after the FATHER, MOTHER, and MOPPET are blown off stage, Joe gets up and addresses Jason directly): JOE: Look, I have a job for you. It's a little bit dangerous. But, this Mr. Diablo that I do work for every now and then said he'd pay us good -- real good. All we have to do is dump some barrels into this river see. I know it's not much, but... (during this conversation, Jason is looking up at Joe, listening intently and nodding, the Devil has risen and is rubbing his hands together in joy. Suddenly the, FATHER, MOTHER, and MOPPET come in dragging a police man with them. MOPPET: Thass him ossifer. That's the bad old man. MOTHER: Yes, officer that's the ahem gentleman who accosted us. (the policeman comes over to the devil and ....) POLICE MAN: I'm afraid that you'll have to come with me. It's purely routine but a complaint was made. DEVIL: (sputtering) But, you can't do this do you know who I am? I'm (starts to tell) JOE: (coughs loudly) AHEM! DEVIL: Why, I'm, I'm a very important man from where I come from. POLICE: Well, I'm sure you are. Thing is, we got laws here for protecting our citizens -- espcially our more prominent leading citizens like Mr. Brunes here! JASON: No, officer you don't understand. He hasn't done anything. These people here... POLICE: And just who might you be? JASON: Why, I'm Jason Nesmith. POLICE: (laughing) THE Jason Nesmith -- esquire??? JOE: Hey, leave him alone. (melage) (Police man dragging Jason and Joe in one hand, the devil in the other). Sally hides behind the trash can. (FADE TO BLACK) ---------------------- END of scene 2 ------------- (The set is exactly the same. However, the trash can is gone and has been replaced by a lavatory. On, the front of the Bench sit (in this order (LEFT to RIGHT) from the lavatory towards the windward side: Joe, the Devil, and Jason. All sit on the front of the bench (towards the audience). DEVIL (to Joe): Well, here's another fine mess that you've gotten us into. JOE (somewhat appoplectic): Me? Me? He's the one who punched that cop! JASON (simply sighs): Well, at least we have our own cell. (looks around) Not too bad, God, it could have been much worse. (thunder off stage, wind blows papers across the stage). Devil: All right, all right. Just lay off ok? Joe: Sir, remember who you're talking to! (the arresting cop walks up and struts around in front of them -- the pic nic table might have to be pushed back prior to the opening of this scene). POLICE: Well, well, well. Here we are all together, again. (rubs his chin, addresses Jason) Well, I've got to admit that you've got one hell of a right hook. DEVIL: Officer, can't you just leave us in peace? Do you really have to do that? POLICE: Suit your self, old man. Looks like that lawyer you called flaked out on you. Still hasn't shown up. And even if he does, it won't do you any good. I mean you just can't go around striking a member of the police force and accosting a fine and upstanding member of the community. JOE: No one accosted anyone. My boss just was trying to get them... POLICE: Save it for the judge, fella. (walks off) DEVIL (rubbing fore-head): Why me, why me? JOE: Yeah, tell me about it. How are we going to explain this to SHE whose name dare not be spoken. DEVIL: Yeah, but at least you don't have to don't have to deal with her directly. Moves in mysterious ways! Let me tell you -- one day its (mockingly): Now, this is what we're going to do. Next day, Why are you doing that? Who told you to do that. THIS is what you need to be doing! Eternal being! Hmph. The only thing that's eternal is her propensity to changer her mind! JOE: (comfrorting him) There, there. Well, now all we have to do is to figure out how to get out of here. Devil: What do you mean? We can leave any time we want.... JOE: Yeah, but (tilts head towards Jason), but you know. Enh, ehh. The Mega Corp -- toxic waste. You know.... DEVIL: Oh, yeah. I forgot about him. (Police enters FROM THE RIGHT, followed a few seconds later by Sally. She is now decked out in a suit like a fancy lawyer with a brief case, etc). POLICE: You gotta a visitor. I guess you lucked out, Judge gave you a court-appointed lawyer. (the police man strikes up a pose, legs apart, hands clasped behind his back). SALLY: (holding out a business card, which she hands to Jason (who is sitting down and looks up at her) Margaret O'Connell, ACLU. JASON: ACLU? What? Devil (putting his hands tightly over his ears) NO! No! Don't say it. SALLY: American Civil Liberties Union, card carrying member, and damned proud of it! (single, loud bolt of lightening off stage, wind blows papers across the stage). (Sally squints her eyes and looks out towards the back of the theater and says: Fine, then you fix it. Oh, yeah? POLICE: (looking at her) Well, even if you do get him off. We got a law here. No vagrants. He don't got a job, so, we can't let him go. SALLY: Why that's absurd. You can't hold a man just because of some silly little law. I mean, he might not have a job, but he's still a human being. POLICE: Listen sister, we don't like your kind here, and if you think that you and your high-falutting title makes a rat's ... (off stage) LINDA: Jason, Jason. (runs in from the LEFT) I got her to do it. POLICE: Hey, you can't just come running in here like that. We got rules and regulations to follow. Who are you? LINDA (to policeman): I'm Linda Chalmers and I got Jason a job. Here. Read this. (hands writ to policeman) POLICE: (reads the writ and then reading aloud), ..and being of the county of the great and glorious state of (state)... (Sally, Linda, and Jason leave quietly) POLICE: Well, I guess you're free to go son. But, these two here -- that's anoth... (He looks around. Right in front of him are the Devil and Joe -- he does not see them, he peers out into the auditorium) Well, I think there were two. I mean hunh. Well, I guess I better go file my report. (exits) (Joe and the Devil exchange glances and then walk to the front of the stage, peer out into the back of the auditorium). DEVIL: Good, we can still do it. JOE: Yeah, but this isn't exactly what SHE whose name we dare not speak meant. DEVIL: Are you questioning me, Grade Eight? JOE: No, just reminding you, boss. Just reminding you. (fade to black) -------------- end of scene 3 --------------------- SCENE 4: The ever-present pic nic table is has been moved back slightly. Instead of the trash can, there is a pedistal with a human scull on it. Over to the left, front of the stage, a director's chair is sitting almost at the edge of the curtain. Duplicated notes for scene 4 In the very front of the theater are to be three seats that are to be un-occupied (during the last scene, the MOTHER, FATHER and MOPPET will sit there) -- the stage director can be seated next the three seats, and will tell anyone wishing to sit there that "I think that they said some one was going to sit there later." If (after the curtain goes up), there is no one sitting there, a couple of extras can sit there They should be occupied by some one. Later on, when the FATHER, MOTHER, and MOPPET go to sit there (they will enter from the back of the auditorium (making large amounts of noise as they move down the isle to their seats). When they find some one in the seats, they make a big hub-bub about this. In the middle of the Hamelet play the Devil character (who now plays Hamlet's father-the-ghost) comes to the front of the stage and yells at the extras to get out of the chairs (again enun-ciating clear and very succinctly). At first they do not get up, but then he yells, GO. GO. GO NOW. Don't you EVEN LISTEN to the stage director at all??! He then returns to the scene and takes up the "ghost mask" again. The FATHER, MOTHER and MOPPETT are by this time seated. ------ end of notes for scene 4... As the lights come up, there is LINDA playing Hamlet, off to the side is JASON in very "princely outfit" -- very flourished, almost like something out of Ali Babi and the 40 thieves). Off to the left (exit side of the stage), sits Mrs Dodge in a director's type chair). Two guards enter (from the LEFT) Hamlet (Linda) sits, facing the windward side, head in hand, contemplating existence). The gurads stand about 5 or 6 feet from the pic nic table and speak to themselves): GUARD-1: There she sits again. As she does every night, mourning the death of her father. GUARD-2: Should we tell her? It would only upset her so. GUARD-1: Yes, we must. (They approach her and talk so softly that the audience can't hear). MRS: DODGE (mock whispter): Louder, louder, enunciate, enunciate. GUARD's and LINDA do the scene about the ghost The Devil (as Hamiet's father appears) on stage. When he says, "Mock me, mark me" and Hamlet responds: Spirit I'll go no further. (this is when FATHER, MOTHER, and MOPPET come in from the back, and cause the rukus). At about the time that they get to where they are sitting, Hamlet's ghost should be saying: Devil (as Hamlet's Father's Ghost): I would know things that would freeze thy young blood. Then they start the ruckus, and the Devil lowers his "ghost mask", and comes over to ball them out. They finally get settled in. (During all of this, Mrs. Dodge is following along with a SCRIPT that she has -- turning to follow the Devil's movements -- this should be with her nodding: In other-words everything that is happeing is SCRIPTED, even the supposed interruption). As the devil turns back around and resumes his place to the right of the stage, Mrs. Dodge can clearly be seen making the "pointing gesture" towards him, and he resumes his speech. The ghost exits -- again to the right. And then, there is a pause. Nothing happens. Then Mrs. Dodge says to the wings (towards the right -- accross the stage (in mock whisper): DODGE: Polonius, psst Polonius. Mr. Mayor! POLONIOUS (Mayor Talbridge): (rushed on, stumbles through lines) LINDA: (looking directly at him) Yes, all well and Good, Sir King. But, there is something rotten in the halls of Denmark. A stench that fills our rivers like toxic waste. And all the while (whips around, pointing directly down into the crowd towards FATHER. And it is the foul stench of MEGA CHEM CORP that be-fowls our city. And you give tacit approval to it. DODGE: Brilliant, simply brilliant! (commotion ensues, FATHER stands up and jumps onto the stage trying to shut LINDA up. The Guards rush forward to protect her. She Jumps up onto the pic nic table and begins: To be, or not to be, that is the question To die, to sleep perchance to dream aye! There's the rub! (fade to black) ------------------ end of scene 4 ---------------- SCENE FIVE: The pic-nic table, trash can restored. Paper litters the set. FATHER, MOTHER, MOPPET re-enacting essentially the first scene: MOPPET: I didn't want a blue toy, I wanted a green one. wind blows trash, they are all blown away. (God wheels onto the stage, rolls behind the pic-nic table, then to the front) GOD: I know you're hiding from me. You can't keep hiding for-ever. (wheels herself off stage, to the LEFT) (Joe pokes his head out from behind the RIGHT curtain) JOE (whispers back behind him): SHE whose name may not be spoken.... SALLY (from off stage): She's gone, just say it. She's gone. (Joe and Sally -- both have their canvas bags again, and both have poking-sticks now. They march out onto the stage -- almost as if in triumph. They reach the pic nic table, Sally turns back to the right-side of the stage... SALLY: Come on out, sir. She really has gone. For now. Really, you shouldn't be so afraid of her. (The Devil comes out slowly looking around under imaginary bushes, goes behind the table and looks to see if she might be there). SALLY: Boo! (The Devil jumps) JOE: Hey, don't do that! SALLY: (to Joe, mockingly) Hey, you no longer out rank me -- I'm Grade Eight now, same as you. She holds up her poking-stick in triumph. (They all sit down). SALLY: Why so glum, we did what was right even if it mean stretching the rules a bit. You know what I really liked was when Hamlet, I mean Linda jumped on the table. Now that was unique! Hamlet on the mountain! Hamlet, bringer of truth! I bet old Shakespear didn't have THAT in mind. JOE: What do you mean, he had more talent than that bit you put in about the stentch fills the rivers. I mean a stentch doesn't fill a river -- it IS the river. You'd think that you'd never seen the Styx.... Devil: Now, now, children don't fight. What would your mother say. (Sally and Joe cover their mouth and are taken aback -- for he has spoken the name that can not be spoken). (thunder, wind, paper blowing God rolls onto stage, Sally and Joe run off stage as she rolls on) GOD: How dare you use my name! How dare you! Just wait until I get my hands on you! DEVIL (exiting): Yea, dear. What ever you say dear. (all exit) With Larry Mathers as the spirit of the Wind. ************* FINAL PRODUCTION NOT#ES *************** The various genders suggested for the various parts are completely arbitrary. The stage design "should" be minimalist, if money needs to be spent, it should be for the costumes. This lends a bit of realism to each charater. The demons are dressed shabbily and in loose fitting t-shirts, or something like that. Except for when Sally appears as the ACLU lawyer, that suit should be as elegant as the budget will allow -- perhaps rented; believably as a suit that a lawyer would wear to an important case; eg, the one worn by Harrison Ford in "Regarding Henry" at the beginning of the movie. The devil's coat and tails should be a bit shabby as well (again the male/female/nether genderes are COMPLETLEY arbitrary), although that might present a problem when it comes to th epart of "just a girl playing hamlet". (As it turns out, since I wrote this, a film was done witht the idea of Hamlet played by a girl; drat, I hate when that happens!) Obviously the mayor's outfit is stage stuff for Polonious -- feel free to use Shakespeare as a guide and embellish as desired. Mr. Burnes and his wife and the moppet should be farily well decked out also. This may present a problem with all of the wind and stuff in terms of keeping their costumes clean (as well as Sally's Lawyer outfit). Enjoy life, and as always, all the best, froodz! (oh, yeah, and save me a seat in the middle of the theatre ;) -- Pizo. Back to the Theatre of the Absurd page Back to the Theatre main page Back to the HOME page