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A Brief History of Our Universe

Part 1: The early days

(best if viewed while listening to John Cage's "Perilous Night" for prepared piano) Figure 1: A Brief View of the Ealy [sic] Origin and Delelopment [sic] of the Universe[.] Figure 2: A commonly held view is that in a "Quantum Subspace" universes are pulling away from that "universe" - and when they fail to pop back... Figure 3: They get "stuck" in their own universe and then go "Bang!". Figure 4: Why they go "Bang!" has yet to be determined. And we will not speculate on that. Our goal is, ... HEY!! Wait a minute (please ignore this slide) Figure 4: Why they go "Bang!" has yet to be determined. And we will not speculate on that. Our goal is to examine, the first 10-40th of a second of the Universe. Numbers that can not be written with decimal points,
Order, Chaos, Small Party Favours, Board games 
involving more then 3x3 or 8x8 squares,
Waffle Iron Technologies Figure 5: Here shown many kazillions (metric: Kilo-Zillions) of times magnified, is a picture of the unvierse, just 10-1729th of a second after it formed. As you can see, many structures have already started to form. Figure 6: Just moments later (~~ 10-107 second) many dimensions and mathematical structures were lost ... Figure 7: Briefly the universe "rested". (You probably didn't know universes even get tired did you?) Regardless, it was just after the resting ended -- that, ... Figure 8: Musical notatons formed. (There was still no actual music as yet written - or not). Some philosophers have specuated that neither Marcel Duchamp, John Cage, or Merce Cunningham never existed and were the "comical" creations of Rose Selvay, Man Ray, and Nam June Paik - inspired by the lost poem of Alfred Jarry's mother "Ode to a Matador that i once was". However, such pataphysical speculations are beyond the scope of the present work. ..(to be continued)..

Part 2: The Great Quark Conference

Tonight, we are proud to present the second in a series of somewhat baffling lectures purporting to be "A Brief History of the Universe". Please pay as you exist/exit.... Note: This section may be conveniently listenedd to/of by your favorite "i'm so angry, i could turn into a STOP sign!!" music; suggestions include, Pendereski's "Threnody to the Vicitims of Hiroshima", Black Star's "Let's make some cash" (track 5), or of course Beethoven's "h Eroica" Symphony. Without further ado, Part 2: The Great Quark Conference and what resulted of it. Figure 9: The Great Quark Conference It was at precisely, t = (1.0 + 9.27E-24) * 1.0E2 ** (1.0E-42 + ((1.0/1000.0) * (6.626E-27 / (2.0 * 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286208998628034825342117067982148086513282306647 093844609550582231725359408128481117450284102701938521105559644622948954930381964428810975665933446128475648233786783165271201909145648566923460348610454326648213393607260249141273724587006606315588174881520920962829254091715364367892590360011330530548820466521384146951941511609433057270365759591953092186117381932611793105118548074462379962749567351885752724891227938183011949129833673362440656643086021394946395224737190702179860943702770539217176293176 (well you get the idea ;) ... ) ) ) ) seconds that the vote was called for: "No particle shall be required to serve in any *elected* oFfice; all offices shall be heraldillly [sic] inherited." There were quick responses to this clearly elite-ist move by the quarks.... Figure 10: In a brave show of defiance, all physical and mathematical constants walked out -- except for .... except for c, which hitched a ride on with passing zinging electron anti-neutrino. Figure 11: All neutrinos zanged out in support as a show of solidarity with Labour... (They all ended up in a pub in Magnetsville). Figure 12: Which is odd, because the Labour Party was still trying to decide on a mascott/slogan. Figure 13: At this point, even quarks who had been sitting (metaphysically) on the fnse were confused. Clearly *some* order must be brought to the problem. Figure 14: For this reason, the solution was left to a newly formed .com "Chaos, Catastrophe, & Howard". ** The solution was (slightly) less than elegant. It was first named "The Fool's Lament" Later, NYUK ------ --> p ft lgh ** Note: (The newness of the .com should be of little concern, since *everything* was new or at least n ;) Figure 15: At 10-42 seconds, a dapper young philosopher suggested that helically structured ribose strands could be both self replicating and stable -- but capable of Diversity. Figure 16: Unfortunately, the suggestion wasn't taken serously -- since it was well known that Gamow and Lemotre [sic] (who had been hired as interior decorators) were well known for their [well known] imaginative wall hangings and practical jokes. So, it was that the universe seemed to be destined to be one for which Martin Reese's "six numbers" would't lead to anything productive (not even decorative party favors). Something had to be done. But, what? ...(to be continued).... Note: No ducks (or parrots) were injured in the making of this work. Special stunt-ducks were borrowed from Pastis' "Rat and Pig" comic strip: "Pearls before Swine". We wish to thank them and would like to send a packet of petunia seeds to the Ministry of Man on Down. Unfortunately, ram-scoop and Bussard technologies are not yet existint. We appologise for the inconvenience. The ISS *is* coming along nicely, wot? email: Frank, via fleeding AT hotmail.com (all corrections welcomb)